and there it goes...

well...that's it for my car...i guess i'll be walkin from now on....it sucks that "family" is supposed to be there for you in ur time of need, but when that time comes....no one's around...i guess i'm on my own...

now time for a breather...

there is so much going on right now...summer camp is in full swing...so i've been working full time at the camp and at alltel...speaking of alltel we're in the middle of a merger with verizon...so that means on top of working at the store there is also training that we have to go to...oh and did i mention that i'm not a step-mommy?? that's right, after testing 4 guys and having more lined up ready to go, miss jennifer found the father of her baby...and it just so happened to be Seth.... which turned out to not be that bad of a deal...i mean after I've had 2 miscarriages in the past year it's lookin like we may never have children of our own...but now Seth gets to be a daddy...and i get to play mommy but send the kid home when i'm sick of him...plus no gaining weight or labor pains!!!! how great is that??? i barely have time to myself right now...i work more than i sleep and i rarely get to see anyone outside of work...i have a new phone number too...(903)26-3310 ur probably better off texting me cuz i never get a chance to talk on the phone anymore...sorry there's not much more to share but i'm sure i'll have tons of storys from camp later for you...

What about ME???

So, after 23 long years, I'm very used to not standing out. I've never gotten alot of attention from anyone. Not friends, teachers, or even family. I'm also very used to never getting what I want or sometimes even deserve outta life. But there comes a point in everyone's life that they get fed up. Appearently I'm the only one who cares about my wedding (aside from Seth). No one wants to help out with the planning, or even help pay for it. I know that the Bride's father is supposed to pay for most of it, but HELLO, I don't have a father. I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to get married anymore. I'm so frusterated with everything and everyone. I know that I'm not anyone's favorite person, but it would be nice if someone remember that I existed once in a while....

searching for help!!

I try not to complain too much about my life. But sometimes it gets the best of me. My tag has been expired for 5 months now. I can't get it registared in Texas becuase my mother never got a clean title for it once it was paid off. Now I have a title with a bank that isn't even around anymore. I could still renew it in Kansas if I had the money. But lucky me, my other half is still sick, (disablity turned him down) and I can barely pay rent and utilities. Forget about having money for food or gas. I am super stressed out, and don't know what else to do...So I'm giving up...whatever happens, happens...
OH and on top of all of this, I can't get a grant for school because of a loan I took out to pay for the last school...I never got a letter saying "hey, pay us". so it's been defaulted and I can't get anyone at that school to call me back...

A new awakening...

I LOVE to read...I am interested in what others have to say about everything in life. I'm currently ready a book by a man named Leslie Weatherhead called "The Christian Agnostic".
As everyone knows, I've struggled with my beliefs every since I noticed how judgmental my church family was. I made a promise to myself at the age of 17 to no longer follow a religion where it's people were just so hateful toward everyone. It took many years for me to come to understand how I feel about the "higher power". I was agnostic for a few years, but discovered a whole new love for life when I became a Buddhist.
All the same values of being christian, without all the contractions. I am completely a new person. I live life to be a good person. I do what I want, when I want, and how I want to do it. There's no one judging me because it's not "the christian way". I AM A GOOD PERSON. And I don't have to believe in a story of a normal man written by people who were not there, to be that way.
I guess the real reason I'm putting this out there is because of the fact that, yes, I do work for a christian camp. And in between meals I was reading my book, and had to defend myself and my beliefs against judgmental christian's. And honestly, it gets old. I've done the research. I was a religion major in college, and learned about every religion. I based my decision to become a Buddhist on years of research and going to different churches and talking to different clergy.
I'm sick of being told I'm wrong or that I'm going to "hell" for denying christianity. I see no harm in the way I'm living my life. My husband supports me and so does my mother. And as far of the rest of you...Karma is a bitch....

Happy Easter Ya'll!!

I miss being single...

I'm tired of fighting...I want my own space...Boys are so stupid...